I am attempting to read the entire bible. I have been struggling with my faith for awhile now and I just wanna know EVERYTHING the bible has to say about basically EVERYTHING.  I don't even know if I believe the bible to be 100% true and accurate, considering it was written by man and men make mistakes, but I was raised a born again Christian and I am really trying to stick to that.  I have just met some people along the way recently who are far from being Christian and I actually like these people and they are kind of "swaying" me almost. 

So anyway, I just want to know what the whole thing says.  I have a student/study bible so I can read passages and then read explanations at the bottom of the page to help me better understand it.  So far I am in chapter 2 (Leveticus).  lol I'm making progress, though!  Slowly...

So, anyone not a big partier/drinker and just wanna do like, date-like calm, fun stuff?  lol

Long story short, one of my best friends and I went clubbing with some girls from work a few weeks ago and ever since then my friend has wanted to go again and we tried to go last night, but I just wasn't feelin' it.  I don't want to be picked up by a guy at a club, like, EVER.  It is just not my scene, and I didn't feel like dancing/drinking.  (I had a headache and was getting over being sick). I am not a dancer at all.  I prefer to stand in the audience at rock shows if I'm going to go out on the weekend. 

But, what I wanted to do more than anything was go cosmic bowling and/or mini golfing.  lol and I wanted to do it with a boy.  I wanted my best friend to come, too, like a double date type thing.  Sad part is, both of us are hopelessly single.

 The weird thing is, is that I'm finally at a point where I actually DON'T want a boyfriend, too.  But on nights like those, when you just wanna do something as if you're already "settled" with someone, a boyfriend would come in really handy!  rofl  I just don't wanna be like, "looking" anymore.  Not that I am "looking" because I'm not, but like... I just want someone to do stuff like that with, as opposed to being young, single and "free" and going clubbing and shizzle like that.  I like, wanna already be settled with someone.  I have a long way to go for that. :P

I so would have made him (whoever the heck he may be) take me to go do that last night, too!  lol :P

omg I hate bugs!!  Be glad yours was a moth and not a big, ugly cockroach!  I walked into my bathroom a couple nights ago and a HUGE one was sitting on my sink!  Apparently, it had crawled up the drain.  I screamed and jumped about 10 feet away from it.  lmao Then called my dad to come kill it. 

What am I gonna do if I never marry a man?  Who is going to kill the big scary bugs?  LOL  Or worse...what if I DO marry a man and he's as afraid of them as me??  hahaha!!!

I also had a (tiny) moth in my room today.  I squashed the succer.

I hate bugs! 

and it's not helping!  lol

So my guy...well, my guy FRIEND, that's just a friend.  (Despite my crush on him lol) is still being a doll face to me. 

I usually get to school early and go to the practice rooms where he is (I do this for parking, not to see him, though that's a plus lol).  One morning last week, I thought I was really bugging him.  I can't say why, I just felt like I was.  I mean, if I didn't like a guy like that and he kept following me around, I wouldn't like it.  Well, the reason I thought I was buggin him, was because I actually got there before him for a change and asked him to come to my practice room.  (There's like 8 of 'em in this little hallway).  Well, he said no, that he was comfy in his room (apparently he came in after me and didn't know I was already in one of the rooms) and basically, he said that he wanted a room with a music stand.  I didn't have one in mine, so he said he was just gonna stay there.  So, I went to his room instead.  This is why I thought I was bugging him, because he already told me no to coming into my room.  Well, apparently I WASN'T bugging him (I'll get to that part soon).  Anyway, I walk in and it turns out his "music stand" was just the piano bench.  So, I felt bad because he had to move his music aside to let me sit (there were no other chairs other than that and what he was sitting on).  So, I'm like "sorry, I stole your music stand" which was the whole reason why he didn't want to come over to mine.  He's just like, "It's okay, it's not like I was gonna practice anyway". 

So, basically, I felt retarded and like I was just bugging the crap out of him.  So...I decided that the next time I went to school, I was just going to NOT meet him over in the practice rooms.

Well, that next time comes and I get there early as usual, but just go to wait in the hall outside class and about 30 min go by and I get a text from him asking me if I ditched school today.  I text him back and tell him "no, I am in the hall outside class" and basically, he texts me back and just said he was beginning to think I ditched when I didn't show.  So, basically he's like, expecting me to show up now.  So, I went over to meet him as usual. 

Basically, it just reassured me that I'm actually NOT bugging him.  It was his idea for me to come meet him in the practice rooms in the first place.   The first day of school he wanted to know when I get there so I could go meet him and I've been doing it ever since.  

It's just so weird to me.  I've never had a really close guy friend (except in high school), but that friendship was kind of like an outta sight, outta mind relationship.  I also didn't like this friend in high school. 

My mom had a really good guy friend when she was around my age, maybe a little younger and when the guy found out she liked him, he RAN for the HILLS!  Just disappeared from her life.  This guy finds out I like him, supposedly doesn't like me like that and is basically up the ying yang with always being around and talking to me and stuff.  We pretty much just follow each other around at school.  I swear, we have got to look like a couple to other people.

Then, to add to all of this to make him even sweeter, this particular morning (of being reassured I'm not bugging him) we had to play in front of the class and I was nervous as crap and he was like, trying to tell me to not worry about it (trying to calm me down, basically).  Then, after I play, I guess I looked so nervous or something, so as I'm putting my guitar/books away, he gets my music stand and puts that away for me. 

Gah...I really don't care right now that I'm single or that I can't "have" him, but I don't like anyone else at the moment.  It's just kinda like a situation where it's like, "UM, I'M RIGHT HERE STUPID!  RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN STOP LOOKING NOW!"  lmao because he has told me about girls he likes in the past and one day I let it slip that I don't like it at all when he does that (makes me jealous) and instead of it scaring him off and him running for the hills, he just goes "then I'll stop talking about it"... and he hasn't since then.  Then later, I felt bad and was like "I didn't mean to make it sound like you can't talk to me about those kind of things..." and he's just like, "if you don't wanna hear it, I respect it". 

I have been to his house at 1:30am in the morning to hang out and he DIDN'T take advantage of me.  Which I dunno is a good thing or a bad thing, because it either means A) he REALLY doesn't like me like that or B) he's a REALLY good guy and doesn't want to toy wtih my emotions knowing I have feelings for him and he doesn't.

 WHY OH WHY does he have to be so sweet to me all the time???????????????????????  It is really NOT helping me look at him as just a friend.  lol

I'm actually at a point now where I am completely fine and happy being single and I actually WANT to be single for awhile.  I've never really been at that point, I have always wanted a relationship.  I finally don't care anymore, but boy oh BOY if this particular BOY decided to change his mind well...um..yeah.  lol I feel silly, but he makes me weak at the knees lmao

But I swear, boys are more trouble than their worth!!  haha

cheese in a can?  'cause that's pretty amazing to me! 

LOL

They are all still heartthrobs in my eyes.  They are all 3 very good looking men.   :) 

lol it could also mean THE Zac....I'd laugh if it did.  :D 

My thoughts on "the Biebs"....He can go fall off a cliff.  lol

No, I'm only joking...slightly.

I'm not leaving him a comment, but I'm appalled that HansEn are being compared to him.  Now, HansOn on the other hand...guess they are cleared of being compared, because he clearly stated HansEn.  Not Hanson.

Yeah, I was trying to be funny.  I think I failed.  lol

One more thing...most Christian men will tell you this, as well.  In other words, they will tell you the truth about their intentions.  My dad has admitted it...when he was younger, he had a lot of "girlfriends" because he wanted a girlfriend.  He didn't keep them around hoping to just be their friend, and he got turned down every time.  I have another, older guy who used to be my high school youth leader and jr. high leader at church, where I played...most healthy guys who are comfortable with themselves do not keep girls as friends.  Ideally, they find one girl, marry her and have close GUY friends.  Not girl friends.  It's fine as acquantances, or like, just ppl you see at work and stuff....but a guy generally will not consistently get into deep conversations with you and text you all the time and be around all the time if he is not looking for more.  They just aren't wired that way. 

I used to be the type of girl who hung out with all the guys, until one of my leaders talked to me and told me that most of them probably liked me and this was because I was having a problem with a guy that I liked who was going out with one of my (girl) friends.  I liked him, he was taken and we were "friends".  They basically told me to get out of the situation. 

I have also noticed, that guys disappear from my life when they find out I don't like them like that, even if we were "just friends". 

But that's the right thing to do.  Something I need to do with this guy. 

^That's fine, but I totally disagree with this.  I'm not talking about acquantances, I'm talkin about really, close friends you have personal conversations with and get to know and see all the time and hang out with.  Rarely do guys and girls end up not falling for each other, and usually it's one or the other.  I have NEVER been a girl who is comfortable hanging out with the "guys" and I do have guy friends, but I very much relate more to my girl friends.  I never like it when girls say otherwise, either.  Because it's not true.  You're not a man.  Men and women are different.  They always will be.  You can't talk to guys about EVERYTHING like girls talk about EVERYTHING.  You can't talk to your male friends about your period and if you do, it's inappropriate.  You can't talk to your male friends about other guys like you do your girlfriends, either.

I very much relate to women more because I am one and to say otherwise does not make sense.  I have heard that "all my friends are guys because I relate more to them".  Well, no, you don't.  You can drink beer, watch football all day long, but at the end of the day, you are a lady, not a man. 

I would be just about safe to bet that your guy "friends" like you as more and don't view you as their sister.  I know how guys think...and they aren't thinking of their sister when they are with you.  Most of my guy friends either like me and I don't like them or vice versa.  I also know that a guy doesn't have the best intentions when he befriends a girl and this is coming from the guy I am talking about.  He told me I should make more guy friends, because guys have other guy friends and you could get a boyfriend that way.  Wait...I already said this.

Anyway yeah...that's not a friend either, that's still looking for something.

Anyway, it's fine that you disagree with me, but I disagree with you.  :P

Personally, I don't like it when either sex has lots of sex.  That is reserved for your husband/wife and nobody else. 

0=)

^That is literally almost humanly impossible for guys and girls to be just friends or for a guy to want a girl just as a friend.  Guys and girls can't be friends.  One or the other always ends up falling for the other one (in most cases) and that's...not a friend.  They either both wind up liking each other or the guy likes the girl, girl doesn't like guy (this is what usually happens) or vice versa.

Girls and guys can rarely hang out together without getting attached.  I hate to get all preachy, but I have learned this from church and it's absolutely 110% accurate.  I used to be the type of girl that hung out with all the guys in high school until one of my high school leaders talked to me about it.  Basically, all the guys I knew liked me and I didn't like them and I didn't realize this until I came across I guy that *I* liked who didn't like me and wanted to be just "friends". 

It doesn't work that way.  It's called like "fingerprinting" each other's hearts is the term he used.  You don't even have to be super close to someone (I mean like, SUPER close if you catch my drift) to get attached.  Guys and girls are naturally drawn to each other and it is very rare that a guy wants to be just friends with a girl.  They almost always have an ulterior motive, even if it is that they are interested in a friend of yours.  I know this for a fact, because the guy in question told me I should get more guy friends because guys have other guy friends and I could get a boyfriend that way.  So, basically, he's admitting to keeping a lot of girl friends himself in hopes that he'll find a girlfriend.  That's not a friend.  That's using people to get what you want.  

Guys do that as well, they will befriend someone who has a friend or sibling that they like to try to get to that person, but the actual "friend" in question, isn't really their friend.  

AvrilHanson21, to answer both of your questions, he is 21 (I am 25).  Not a huge gap in age, but significant enough, because he is still very young.  To answer your other question, yes, his last relationship did end bad.  Extremely bad.  So bad (and personal) that I don't even want post this on the internet, but I'm going to anyway.  His ex passed away in a car accident.  She was his ex at the time, but only for a few months.  He also has this thing where he thinks she wanted to come talk to him the following week.  So, I think he was thinking she wanted to get back together.  :(  I feel sooo bad for him.  To make things 10 times worse, he also has depression (clinical) to boot.  I can't tell when I'm with him, though.  He seems happy.  Unless he tells me otherwise, which he has before.  Anyway...that's the whole story. 

I think I answered my own question as to why I'm having a "problem", though...poor thing's probably a mess.  :'( 

Pink "U + Ur Hand"

lol

basically, I just want no guy in my life at the moment

Oh yeah...and I have already been hurt by this.  Extremely.  More so than ever with anyone else I have ever liked.  I am actually in the healing process.  I'm basically trying to heal while still seeing him. 

Hence, the big fat mess. 

I have talked to him about this twice, he said the same thing both times.  He also confessed to playing a bit of "the game" with me and leading me on a bit in the beginning, but that he still wants to be friends.  I have no idea what that means. ???  He wasn't interested in the beginning, but acted like he was?  Or he was interested in the beginning and changed his mind and wants to keep me as a friend?

I can't not hang out with him...we go to the same school/are in the same class etc.  I'd basically have to transfer schools...and I don't want to do that.  I'm not uprooting my life for him or basically, to avoid him.

I am in a big fat mess is all I know.   

I think I totally spelled her name wrong...

Patty Smyth's "The Warrior" is pretty decent.  I dunno if it's 80's though, but I'm pretty sure it is.

Do you like your roommate or something?  It sounds like you do...  I know if I was roommates with the current guy I like, I'd get jealous, too.  Not to mention I would not let some drunk girl we just met crash at our place.  That was just rude and disrespectful of HIM, not you.  If he doesn't know how you feel, though...that could be a problem.  Unless I am wrong about you liking him, but I wouldn't get jealous if it was a roommate I had no feelings for.   Angry that a drunk stranger is in my apartment, yes.  But jealous, no. 

So, just curious.