and it's not helping!  lol

So my guy...well, my guy FRIEND, that's just a friend.  (Despite my crush on him lol) is still being a doll face to me. 

I usually get to school early and go to the practice rooms where he is (I do this for parking, not to see him, though that's a plus lol).  One morning last week, I thought I was really bugging him.  I can't say why, I just felt like I was.  I mean, if I didn't like a guy like that and he kept following me around, I wouldn't like it.  Well, the reason I thought I was buggin him, was because I actually got there before him for a change and asked him to come to my practice room.  (There's like 8 of 'em in this little hallway).  Well, he said no, that he was comfy in his room (apparently he came in after me and didn't know I was already in one of the rooms) and basically, he said that he wanted a room with a music stand.  I didn't have one in mine, so he said he was just gonna stay there.  So, I went to his room instead.  This is why I thought I was bugging him, because he already told me no to coming into my room.  Well, apparently I WASN'T bugging him (I'll get to that part soon).  Anyway, I walk in and it turns out his "music stand" was just the piano bench.  So, I felt bad because he had to move his music aside to let me sit (there were no other chairs other than that and what he was sitting on).  So, I'm like "sorry, I stole your music stand" which was the whole reason why he didn't want to come over to mine.  He's just like, "It's okay, it's not like I was gonna practice anyway". 

So, basically, I felt retarded and like I was just bugging the crap out of him.  So...I decided that the next time I went to school, I was just going to NOT meet him over in the practice rooms.

Well, that next time comes and I get there early as usual, but just go to wait in the hall outside class and about 30 min go by and I get a text from him asking me if I ditched school today.  I text him back and tell him "no, I am in the hall outside class" and basically, he texts me back and just said he was beginning to think I ditched when I didn't show.  So, basically he's like, expecting me to show up now.  So, I went over to meet him as usual. 

Basically, it just reassured me that I'm actually NOT bugging him.  It was his idea for me to come meet him in the practice rooms in the first place.   The first day of school he wanted to know when I get there so I could go meet him and I've been doing it ever since.  

It's just so weird to me.  I've never had a really close guy friend (except in high school), but that friendship was kind of like an outta sight, outta mind relationship.  I also didn't like this friend in high school. 

My mom had a really good guy friend when she was around my age, maybe a little younger and when the guy found out she liked him, he RAN for the HILLS!  Just disappeared from her life.  This guy finds out I like him, supposedly doesn't like me like that and is basically up the ying yang with always being around and talking to me and stuff.  We pretty much just follow each other around at school.  I swear, we have got to look like a couple to other people.

Then, to add to all of this to make him even sweeter, this particular morning (of being reassured I'm not bugging him) we had to play in front of the class and I was nervous as crap and he was like, trying to tell me to not worry about it (trying to calm me down, basically).  Then, after I play, I guess I looked so nervous or something, so as I'm putting my guitar/books away, he gets my music stand and puts that away for me. 

Gah...I really don't care right now that I'm single or that I can't "have" him, but I don't like anyone else at the moment.  It's just kinda like a situation where it's like, "UM, I'M RIGHT HERE STUPID!  RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN STOP LOOKING NOW!"  lmao because he has told me about girls he likes in the past and one day I let it slip that I don't like it at all when he does that (makes me jealous) and instead of it scaring him off and him running for the hills, he just goes "then I'll stop talking about it"... and he hasn't since then.  Then later, I felt bad and was like "I didn't mean to make it sound like you can't talk to me about those kind of things..." and he's just like, "if you don't wanna hear it, I respect it". 

I have been to his house at 1:30am in the morning to hang out and he DIDN'T take advantage of me.  Which I dunno is a good thing or a bad thing, because it either means A) he REALLY doesn't like me like that or B) he's a REALLY good guy and doesn't want to toy wtih my emotions knowing I have feelings for him and he doesn't.

 WHY OH WHY does he have to be so sweet to me all the time???????????????????????  It is really NOT helping me look at him as just a friend.  lol

I'm actually at a point now where I am completely fine and happy being single and I actually WANT to be single for awhile.  I've never really been at that point, I have always wanted a relationship.  I finally don't care anymore, but boy oh BOY if this particular BOY decided to change his mind well...um..yeah.  lol I feel silly, but he makes me weak at the knees lmao

But I swear, boys are more trouble than their worth!!  haha