Ok. Last summer the person that I was best friends with for almost 13 years and I had a huge argument that went a little too far. I did something stupid, and since then I have apologized numerous times and tried to explain WHY I did it, only to get yelled at. Plus, she starts talking like she wants to talk again, but then suddenly turns and says "I can't." I have asked if she wants to talk again, because she has been sending me mixed signals (after saying she can't, she will tell me something about someone we both know.) It's been over 6 months since the thing happened.

My question(s): First off- if she doesn't want to talk to me, why is she keeping me in her email contacts? Which leads to my 2nd question- since she doesn't want to hear from me again, should I tell her that her email sent out a virus the other night? (I was a recipient, thus how I know I am still in her email contacts.)

Any help is appreciated!

Re-reading it, I realized it doesn't all make sense.

It wasn't just me that did something stupid- it was provoked. I was also urged by others to do what I did. I am not completely to blame for everything, and you would think 13 years would be more than enough to accept the apology and move past the whole thing.

If you need more info, PM me and I will get back ASAP.

Part of me wants to tell her, but the other part (and others that know what's going on) tell me to let her figure it out herself cuz she is being a nasty...you-know-what.

If you still want her as a friend, re-send the email notification of the virus, just to let her know her email is sending spam. But don't say anything else. If she wants to talk to you, she will respond that email. I would say, keep trying but don't push her. It took me 6 years to be friends again with one of my best friends, and I am SO, SOOOO GLAD to have her in my life again. Sometimes, time and the maturity that comes with it is what benefit you the most.
Hope that helps.

Taty

Oh and just in case I'd like to add that we've been friends since we were 7, had this incident when we were 19 and befriended (if that's the word, idk) again when we where 25, which would be 1 year and a half ago.


Taty

Thanks. I just think what gets me is that she has had things happen similar to this with other friends. Always told me she wouldn't talk to them again unless they apologized, etc. And then she became friends with them. Most of which had done way worse things to her.

Yet, after almost 7 months- I get treated like crap when I have been nothing but nice.

You have a apologized. That's all you can do. It's up to her to either except the apology or not.

Well, maybe that's because you're kinda after her wanting her to forgive you?

When I had that incident with my friend, she wasn't after me beggin me for forgiveness. Time did its own thing. I think she will continue acting this way because she is the one in the confortable position here. She knows you are hanging there wanting to be friends with her. You are now the one who has to take some distance and let time do its own thing, and hopefully, things will get fixed.


Taty

It's only been every 2 months or so...not like it's every day.

The last I heard from her was about a month ago when I made the gesture to work things out. I sent her a super nice email. The next day, I received one saying she didn't want to talk. So I left it at that.

3 days later she texts me screaming not to contact her.

Her: Stop all contact im through with this! I will remember what we had but we need to move on thank u!
Me: Huh?
Her: You know who this is? Stop playing games with me
Me: I'm not playing games. Your text was just very random.
Her: I didn't think you saw my email that is why i wrote it. (Someone we know) is pregnant!! (Another person we know) left (girl's boyfriend).

I didn't reply to that. It's those things that are confusing me. The time before that when we spoke, she acted the same way, but then told me she got a new dog, and talking about me being pregnant (which I'm not.) She almost demanded to know if I was or not.

If I was to tell her all I planned on saying was "Please take me out of your email contacts if you don't want anything to do with me anymore, especially considering your email sent out a virus Sunday night."

Good luck on that one. Not sure what advice I can give cuz I went through some friends stuff last year around this time to. My ex friend who was special needs and all got out of hand and called the cops on me and so on. All they did was talk to me and let me be. Didn't get no tickets or in trouble, cuz they pretty much knew she was a whack job and so on. So yeah I befriended her and a few others that almost did the same thing.

I tried my best to be friends with special needs girl but its to complicated for me. So I don't know what to do anymore. They always had special dances for people like that and I used to be a counceler for those special needs people but I pretty much quite cuz i was getting fed up with them calling the cops on me for stupid reasons. Arrrgh!

Thank you.

Yeah, the cops were involved with us, too. We had been having differences of opinons for a couple of years. I tried to point out that it was only over text or email we would argue, never in the rare times we got to hang out (she lives 2.5 hours away) or when we chatted on the phone. She wouldn't accept that, just kept saying friends shouldn't argue as much as we do, that she doesn't fight with any of her other friends. I said we do because we have known one another so long we know we can speak our minds.

Anyhow, it got really bad one day. She said some pretty bad things, trying to start another argument to blame on me (she blamed all of them on me). I said to just stop before it gets nasty, to which she asked if I was threatening to get nasty and start a fight with her at the concert we were supposed to go to together. (for a whole month she kept saying she was going with me, then changing that she was going with her husband, then me, then him, etc.) I said no, I meant before the convo got nasty. She wouldn't listen. Just kept pushing. Finally, she said she wouldn't go with me (even though I wrote up an email contract that she agreed to). That was followed by 2 threatening texts about starting physical fights with me if we met up at the concert or the class reunion (she and my hubby graduated together.) I left it at that, but after venting about it to a couple friends, my husband, my sister, and my brother, they all talked me into reporting her, for my kids' sakes. I was glad I did for a while, but a few months later I regretted it because nothing I could say would do anything.

I had apologized, told her why, and all she says is she can't and she will get fired if she does cuz everyone she works with knows what happened. Then I found out she didn't tell them the truth.

Even though the cops were involved, all they did was call her and say I didn't want her talking to me. She told them the same, along with some other things. She kept saying she couldn't talk to me cuz of the cops, but that's not true. We can if we agree to.

Anyhow, enough rambling. Maybe I just haven't vented to enough people. Or maybe I am just a sap. LOL I just figured that after 13 years, SOMETHING had to be worth saving, but I guess she was never the person I thought she was after all. I feel as though she used me to get what she wanted, and when I wouldn't give it anymore, she left.

Oh, well.

Oh, I know what that feels. I am going through the same thing, and I think that some things happen, but, I have fed my situation! Sometimes that's why the other person is so proud, if you know from your mistakes but do not want to face and ask forgiveness

But you try to talk to her and if she does not want to fix anything, it continues to insist! Someday you have to face ...

Yeah its exspecially funny when you see your ex friend in public and she suddenly notices you and goes running off crying somewhere. lol!

A few days ago I was at a grocery store with my lil neice and nephew and I saw my ex friend. Anyways she stopped cold in her tracks and ran to the bathroom. Then suddenly the lil ones had to go to bathroom, so I took them and sure enough she locked herself in the bathroom stall and was crying.

Unfourtually the lil one had to ask me why someone was crying and so on. I told them that the lady was very sad and that was it. They asked how come and I told them maybe she lost something and can't find it so she is angery. That cured the lil ones questions.

Sadly this person is 33 to. Thats immature behavior don't u think??? I ran into my ex boyfriend and all I do is just do what I was doing and pretend I don't know him and thats it, its not that big of deal anyways and my other ex will usually stop and talk to me for 10 minutes and thats it, no big deal.

Sad to say, that is kinda worth a chuckle.

I have run into her twice since the whole thing (well, not exactly run into her, but we have seen eachother.) The whole time it seemed like she was watching me. I was asked a few times at the concert why that one girl kept looking at me. And my husband and a few friends at the reunion noticed that she seemed to be watching whatever I did.

Yes, I admit I may have gone a tiny overboard trying to get her to talk to me, but that's because I feel that if things are actually talked out without interruption or either one of us getting offensive, the friendship is worth saving. Maybe it was more special to me than her. The last 2 years she kept repeating that we were sisters, nothing could come between us (she was an only child, with step siblings she really was not very close to.) I just don't get how someone can go from that to what it is.

But in response to the poll- I sent her a text and an email. She has replied to neither, so my guess is that she did not even read them, furthermore making me think she has not removed my name. Why keep someone in your contacts you don't want contact with? My husband seems to think that she won't because she wants some sort of connection yet, and is afraid that if she deletes it, it truly is over. I believe it. She already claimed to have "forgotten" my cell number, home number, etc. How do you forget someone's stuff after using it for years?

Yeah my ex friend has changed her phone number, one of my friends who is still friends with her told me so. But my other friend is thinking about befriending her to cuz she isn't getting treated right and been threaten that she'll call the cops.

I believe my friend who is friends with the x friend of what she said about phone number change.

In the past when I used to be friends with ex friend, She went through bad stuff with a different girl and changed her number cuz of that girl and then she changed her number again and again. She has changed her number over 6 times when I was friends with her.

I guess I know how my ex friend works, the minute she isn't friends with someone she quickly get her phone number changed and her cell phone number changed. That is being a big ole baby is what I think.......... lol! ( Im chuckling to)

So here's the newest update.

Yesterday afternoon she finally replied. Said she couldn't do it cuz she didn't know how. After repeating it every once in a while, we started talking as I kept telling her how to do it.

We texted for almost 2 hours last night. She started sharing things, telling me she wanted to share with someone cuz the other girl she thought was her best friend didn't show emotion/ comfort her when she told her something personal. I told her I felt sorry that what she was telling me happened, and that when I told her a few months ago I was here for her no matter what, I meant it. So she started sharing more stuff, and asking me things, basically getting updated.

About 1 and 1/2 hours into it, I stopped and said if we are sharing we must be friends again, otherwise talking like we is kinda redundant. She admitted she wanted to talk, but still had hard feelings so she didn't know if we should or not. The next half hour was that in a circle.

This morning, I texted saying I am glad we talked last night and hope we can again. She came back and said her family would be hurt if we did because we hadn't talked in 6 months, so she is not sure we should. I said if we learned anything from this, not to let others interfere, that she already proved she wants to be friends again. After about an hour of talking about things that happened to us she said she had to get to work. Couple hours later she said she was on break and started chatting, ending with telling me she will lunch at a certain time and chat then.

So should it be taken that we're friends again? Kinda funny that a computer virus is what it took...LOL

I'm far to lazy to read all the replies in this thread so my response will be based off the original post and only that. If what I have to say turns out to not be what you wanted to hear then simply disregard it.

From what I gathered in the original post, it somewhat sounds like she still cares about you. Maybe she doesn't really know whether or not she still wants to be friends. Maybe after 13 years she values you enough to debate the outcome. She probably still very hurt and somewhat upset over what happened. She may also know that the incident was provoked and not done merely out of spite or with the intent to hurt. The best advice I can offer is to let her send those mixed signals. They may be mixed to you but not to her. Your friend may be trying to define her position with you and your position with her. If that makes sense. She may not know if ending the friendship altogether is a good thing or a bad but she may also not know if holding on to it is good or bad. She may simply be trying to find a way to ease back into the friendship and maybe rebuild.

It doesn't really seem as though she's just shrugging off the friendship. It just seems like she's recognizing the 13 year relationship while addressing the incident that occurred 6 months ago. I say continue to give her time to figure out what she wants to do.

In regards to the second question. Despite the strained relationship, if her emails are sending off viruses to other emails then it's only right to let her know.